How to build a fire

when it's been raining for days and all your wood is wet.....

1. Stack your wet kindling so that plenty of oxygen can get to any flame that you may get started.

2. Stuff plenty of wet newspaper in the gaps and light. Fan and blow on it...till you get red in the face.

3. Wet wood and paper will smoke a lot.....keep small children away.

4. Once the paper has burned up, your fire will die. Wet wood doesn't like to burn. Ponder the laws of physics and engineering that you studied 20 years ago and try to come up with a better plan.

5. Sing and dance to Staying Alive in hopes that mother nature has a sense of humor....

6. When all of the above fails, get out the lamp oil and give everything a good dousing.

7. Viola! Fire!